A page from my diary

As I write this, Its 12:04 am on the clock here in Pakistan. And its 25th May,2018 on the calendar and I was watching suits season 7 and suddenly I started to feel a little over whelmed all of a sudden that I stopped watching my favorite tv show. I can’t figure out what tipped me off, all I know is that I need to let it out and since it is really hard for me to explain and open up to an actual living human beings so I am resorting to Microsoft word and if I think I make sense I may just upload this to my WordPress blog that haven’t been updated for years.  I’m listening to tera wuh pyar in the backgrounds and my emotions are not coming out because I had a breakup or I have a crush on someone who doesn’t even know I exist. It is about me being an average individual who has no dreams or passion in life. I don’t even know if that’s normal or not.

So, I graduated from university last year. I took a gap year to prepare myself for a competitive exam. I took the exams in February this year and ever since I got free I have been looking for job and work opportunities. Sadly, I didn’t have any luck with that. Here comes my first feeling; envy/jealousy. Ever since I graduated, I haven’t really been productive. People of my age are doing wonders and going places. They have purpose and ambition to get to where they want to be. Be it jobs, financial independence, educational carriers, or married life. Everyone has something on their plates. And I don’t even know what I want to eat, let alone getting it in my plate.

This leads to my second feeling; confusion. Now that I’m done with what I was supposed to do in my gap year, I’m moving forward to pursuing my master’s degree. The problem with that is I don’t know if I really want to do it or if I’m just doing it for lack of a better alternative and I want to keep myself busy. While I don’t have anything to do, I do something new every week. Two months ago, I thought of making a YouTube channel. I couldn’t come down to it because of the fact that my mother didn’t agree to it and because I didn’t feel SO passionate about it and lacked motivation. A month ago, I tried painting. That gave me joy. I wouldn’t lie.  But then I suddenly stopped doing it, just like that. Then I started journaling and I quit that too. A week ago, I created a photography page and thought I could make a carrier out of it but every day I question my choice and wish to become a photographer. I don’t know why I do that but I like taking photographs that is for sure. And I’d like to believe I’m good at that too. But like I thought I was good at drawing when really, I wasn’t. I know that because I got a C+ on a drawing course that I took in my sophomore. I was really happy when I took that course but the result dawned the reality on me that it’s not necessary that you must be good at something that makes you happy. This feeling stuck in my skin ever since I read something on Syed Muzammil Hassan’s (house of LOLz guy) Instagram. I can’t relocate that post so I can’t quote him. But as far as I remembered, it was about the glorification of doing fancy things in your carrier. And going for your passions. There’s nothing wrong with that. But there’s is a difference between having occasional hobbies and having fulltime professions. Like, we all like eating, doesn’t mean that we all know cooking too. We should go after things that we are good at. we should invest time, energy and resources into things that we are really good at and not on thing that we merely like. This whole thing messed up with my mind. I like taking photographs. How can I figure out if I am actually good at it or not until I don’t go and actually do it and that requires investment.

That brings us to the next feeling; doubt. I don’t know if the competitive exam that I took will bear any return or not. Theoretically in my head, I’m okay with whatever the result is. But I know I will be devasted if I don’t get it through because then it would make me question my decision. Was that even worthwhile? I go and tell everyone that, it was the best decision I ever made in my entire life because I learnt a lot while I was at it. I had something exciting to look forward to every day I woke up. I experienced loads of emotions and I miss that time but really was it worthwhile? Besides that, me not getting a job as easily as my peers did; is it a sign of something better or that I am not trying as hard as I should?

That links us to the next feeling; self-pity. Like I mentioned, I made a photography page. And I question myself every day for making that choice. That’s because I don’t know if that’s what I really want to do. Maybe I am not good enough or maybe it is not for me. I feel sorry for myself because my mother doesn’t support me on going out and get my creative juices flow in creating content for my page. And I feel sorry for myself because I lack the conviction it takes to make someone agree to your terms. I feel sorry for myself because I lack passion and motivation. I feel apologetic because I don’t how to get these two attributes in myself.

 I just saw this Instagram story of this kid who just got done with her fsc board exams two days and there she was with Momina Mustehsan and Uzair Jaswal in an intimate gathering. She’s a kid who has got her photography game amped up in a very little time and I don’t know how she hacked that.  I feel sad because she could and I couldn’t. And because she got it easy, and I didn’t. Or perhaps that’s because I didn’t try and she did.

One of my closest friend tagged me in a Facebook post that was about 10 things every woman should do before she dies. Those 10 things were cut your hair short, travel alone, spend the whole day eating your favorite food, forgive someone, quite the job you hate, learn martial art for self-defense, go to karaoke alone, try an extreme sport, confess your feeling to your crush, live a day without your phone. It made me feel sorry about myself. I couldn’t convince my mother all this while to let me cut my hair short and to let me travel with people, let alone alone. Sad that I can’t quite a job that I hate because last time I checked I don’t have any job to begin with. Copying the reason for not cutting my hair short here as the reason for not going to karaoke alone, trying an extreme sport, learning martial art or anything new for that matter. However, confessed feelings to crush and lived a day without my phone. Because hey that didn’t involve any third party’s permission or my conviction. I don’t know whether or not are these reasons excuses or real reasons that make sense. Whoever is reading, do not make it sound like I’m complaining that I’m being controlled or that this sounds like a brown desi girl problem. The problem is me. Its me who feels disconnected, complexed and confused. I feel I don’t have any talent that it takes you to be cool or interesting.

I feel sad because I was a social butterfly nearly my entire life but now I don’t have anyone to count on. Well I may have two to three people but I fear they’ll go away too because as much as I appreciate low maintenance friends because I want them to appreciate me for being one.  But when it really comes down to thinking of it, I want people to always stick around and be okay if I don’t do the same. And when It doesn’t happen so, I act up and feel bad about myself. It makes me wonder if I’m really messed up or is it them who are ignorant for not regarding my terms. I feel really inexpressive at times while communicating my emotions to people because I believe it takes a lot of energy to make people understand me. I feel it’s okay for not trying to put efforts in a relationship but when people try to pull off the same explanation, I lose my shit. Is it me or is it them?

Am I the only one who is untalented stupid individual who doesn’t have dreams and ambitions, lacks motivation and conviction? Is it normal? Am I normal?

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Confrontation is not always a nightmare.

How many times have you found yourself stuck in the dilemma of fleeing away or fighting back after being in an intense situation? How many times the phrase “We need to talk/ I want to ask you something” has made your heart skip a beat or made you experience the drowning/sinking feel except for you’re not actually under the waves of a ferocious and wild ocean? Well, I heard your answer. Confrontation may have a multiple of meanings but what I am referring to here is a situation where two or more parties having opposite opinion, perspectives, and ideas about a certain issue; are brought face-to-face and are made to sit and have the “talk”. It is not as simple and easy as it sounds. If you’re anyone like me then you’d definitely hate conflicts and you would do anything to avoid arguments with someone even if you have to compromise on your convictions, perspective and opinions.

Day before yesterday, one of my very closest friends from high school messaged me on WhatsApp after it was midnight. This friend and I had not spoken to each other for 4 years until then because we ended up on an abrupt and absurd point in our friendship of 4 years. This friend and I have been so close before we ended, and now it was almost as if we didn’t exist for each other. She was someone in my contact list whom I never talked to, and had no idea about her whereabouts, she was someone I just remembered was a part of my life, once. So her “Hey!” had already made me feel thirsty, sweaty and all uncomfortable. While she was trying to build up the conversation by talking about random things I was dying inside and prayed that she was not upto having the “talk” and that my phone’s battery somehow dies so that I get an escape but it was not one of the luckiest day for me after all. I was not ready to confront her after all this long. I was disturbed as to why did she come back in my peaceful and smooth going life. However, deep down inside I always wanted this to happen. Later, she called me and I HAD to confront her. Since we were connected via a call, we did not have anything to distract us. We argued/discussed for close to 3 hours.  She asked me why did I do whatever I did. I told her my reasons and she listened. I asked the reasons behind her actions and she showed me the situation from her side and that made sense to me that night. We discovered some undiscovered avenues from past that we did not know then because we didn’t talk about them maybe because we were too young or too scared. Since we did not have the “talk”, these untold and unheard facts led to misunderstanding. By the end, my armpits were sweaty, my mouth was dry, and I was emotionally exhausted, but we had worked it out.

Surprisingly, this whole exercise was not that horrifying or hard as I had assumed it to be. Infact, it was much liberating. Confronting a person releases you from the burden of the situation. Tense circumstances tend to loom over us and cast a shadow on the rest of our lives.  Getting it over with frees you from the specter of the confrontation. What’s more interesting that once you confront someone, your trust in them and vice versa, develops or reinstates because the participants are true to one and other. And that’s how you may gain or reinstate the confidence and faith in each other, leading to have a sense of honesty in the relationship. As a result, you may experience intimacy more than ever in your relationship that may just deepen your relationship.

If you reflect upon your life, you must have found yourself chickening out from an intense situation, several a times but you see that’s not the right way of going about it. Naturally, it seems easier to flee away from the issue/argument and hope that by doing so, the matter rests by itself. Frankly, that’s not how it works. Although it might be considered wise to take a break if emotions are running high, for most everyday confrontations emotions flare up and die down pretty quickly. But that does not by any means, mean that it’s OKAY to not confront at all. Because let’s be real, bad news cannot get better with time. Bad news on Tuesday is still bad news on Thursday or whenever you get to it.  While we must be careful about our timing. It’s not very considerate to confront someone when they’re already stressed about another situation. Waiting to talk to that person as if the discussion will be less stressful at a later point is a myth. Hard conversations are hard. Waiting to have them won’t make them any easier. Sometimes, we are just too afraid to face the music just because we think we can’t maintain the sanctity of the relationship otherwise or that if we confronted then that will be the end/demise of the relationship or that we think by having the talk we may put our relationship on risk and stake. But guess what, it is not any better otherwise. Think as if you have nothing to lose and just confront.

In my opinion, the worse that we do to our relationship is that we dust every problem under the rug and never look back on it. The dirt keeps on piling up making the entire thing stink. Whereas what we fail to understand is, in reality, the relationship is worth risking for the sake of truth. Trust me when I say, it eventually gets better if you talk about the problem. It’s not like if you don’t talk and pretend that everything is okay would smell less stale. The dirt will still be there.

From what I’ve experienced, I think hadn’t I confronted her I would not have felt lighter at that point in time. The misunderstanding created by the communication gap wouldn’t have been cleared out. We might have had to die with having our hearts filled with hatred for each other without even having a solid reason.  Therefore, it’s an open plea to everyone reading this, talk about your issues with your loved ones before it’s too late. If the relationship is more important and valuable to you as compared to your individual insecurities and ego, just confront.

An open letter to people suffering from depression.

Dearest you!

If you are someone going though depression or anxiety this is for you. Don’t get me wrong but I am about to break down some facts for you and don’t worry, these facts are not cliched. Before we proceed with this, let us just know that there are 50 million Pakistanis that are suffering from different mental illnesses. And according to a WHO 2014 report only 400 trained psychiatrists are there to counter the ailment for a population as large as almost 190 million people. What is even more sad than this is that we live in a society like Pakistan where there is a lack of awareness with respect to the existence of depression and ways to deal with it and that leads to the third most tragic fact, i.e lack of acceptance.  What we as a society fail to realize is that mental illness is just like any other physical illness except for the fact that we cannot see the mental wound from our naked eye and we cannot touch it; so, it should be treated the same way as any physical injury is treated.

Now let us make is very clear that depression is one of the five stages of grief where it is a mood disorder characterized by intense feelings of sadness that persist beyond a few weeks. The feeling of grief can be result of anything. Symptoms may include disturbance of sleep, appetite and concentration.

Following are some things that you will often notice asking to yourself. My explanation for them do not by any means, have to be true because I myself am in the process of figuring out everything and to be honest I do not have much of motivation and positivity to give to anyone but let me try to share what I think I’ve experienced and my ways to deal with everything.

  • WHY ME?

I do not intend to burst your bubble but let’s just be honest we do not realize that we are different individuals in terms of our mental and physical characteristics yet we are pretty much alike and we all go through similar situations throughout the life. As put by Maya Angelou and quoted:

I note the obvious differences

Between each sort and type,

But we are more alike, my friends,

than we are unalike.

 

Timing and intensity of grief and anxiety may vary but it is not like you’re cursed and God has chosen you for the salvation, misery and rejection. We experience almost similar chain of events throughout our lifetime. We choose not to discuss and talk about our experiences with others so that makes us believe that everything and everyone else is just fine and only you’re in pain, which however is not the case. There are a lot of people going through situations harder than yours. So, if they can make it through, you can also give it a try. Also, things happen for a reason. People for instance come into your life for a reason and to serve a purpose and once it is served, they leave. And this is only fair. Therefore, try not to be upset when people leave or when things change their discourse. Rather try taking it as an experience and learn a lesson because maybe whatever happened to you was meant to happen so that you step out of your comfort zone.

  • WHAT IS HAPPENING?

You will probably have erratic heartbeats, irregular breathing and hot flushes most of the times during the day. You might have sleepless nights and you probably have stopped sharing your anxiety with your friends because you’re tired of their annoyed faces and their ‘yaar I have heard this story please would you stop, attention seeker!’ attitude. You feel trapped inside your own body. You think there are tons of knots and ties in your head and you cannot seem to untie. You may find yourself struggling with being normal and act so and to drag attention to yourself. Well guess what, this is what exactly depression is and you need to accept it. Do not live in the state of denial because that will only make you feel worse. By denying your problems, you’re actually going deeper towards false consciousness and numbness. Numbness if often caused by bottling up of emotions so what I suggest is either talk it out with someone you’re very close to and someone who you think empathizes with you. Or start keeping a journal and write anything and everything. Or paint/draw. Do anything that expresses your feelings. This way you will accept the problem and it will be much easier to address it then.

  • Can I even have depression? Aren’t I too young for it?

Depression has NOTHING to do with your age. Age is just a number. Anyone can be grieved about anything in any point in time during their lives and we need to realize this. Depression is a very valid and sensitive issue. People who suffer from depression and anxiety are NOT attention seekers. They do not have control over what and how they feel, so stop making them sound like so. If you’re surrounded by people who belittle you or your pain, get rid off them. There’s nothing wrong and right in depression. No intensity of grief or pain is validated or non-validated. And one can by no means measure the level of depression. So, do not fall for that.

  • Loug kya sochein ge?

‘Loug kya sochein ge agar ye bhi aap sochein ge tou wo kya sochein ge?’

Your problems and pain is not theirs, so they don’t know where you come from. Thus, it doesn’t really matter what they think. I understand that sometimes validation about yourself is important from others, but it shouldn’t bother you greatly. It is like you worrying about what people think if you have a cold or fever; useless as it sounds

And here are some things you should know:

  • Positivity is crap.
  • People are shitty
  • And they do not matter.
  • Stop expecting from people. They will only disappoint you.
  • Stop feeling apologetic about yourself.
  • Stop explaining yourself to others.
  • Surround yourself with people and activities that you like and enjoy.
  • Know that you’re not defined by your “depression” period.
  • Realize that we are in this together.
  • Realize that there are two possible outcomes for every situation. Either change ir or accept it. Now it’s you who has to decide.
  • Avoid putting up your struggles on social media.
  • There’s nothing wrong with being depressed.
  • Depression is a phase or climate of your mind. It will come and go. Do not let it overcast or consume you.
  • YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. So, do not let people or events have the power to control you.
  • At the end, it only gets better. And if it does not, then probably it’s not the end yet.

I am not someone who just thought that it would be a great idea to say a bunch of positive stuff while sitting back in front of my computer’s screen. I have practically been through situations and I wished someone told me everything I wanted to hear. So, I think it would be safe to say that this was a weak attempt to make you feel better or to let you know that whatever it is, it is going to be okay and you’ll be fine. I hope you find something out of this poorly drafted piece, relatable.

I would be the last person who could help people by counselling them and by no means I have any professional certificate to do so. But the least I can try is that I can talk to you. So, feel free to email me at shahwarasif@gmail.com. *Hugs*

7 things that make feminism a scam!

Ooopss!

(Disclaimer: feminists skip this article, because we are about to go sexist)

Okay, so honestly I am not intending to target certain people running around to support  a particular clichéd or mainstream idea just because the ideology/ ism sounds so cool and fancy; I am making an attempt to highlight some flaws/ defects of the philosophy itself. Let us begin, shall we?

  1. Feminism is an excuse.

When you know you are losing an argument or you do not have an outlet from something, feminism is your savior. It lets you have an escape from almost everything.

“My life, my choice; it’s my choice to have sex before or outside marriage”

Oh really???!! It is kind of illegal and immoral to do so, so just stop being a hoe.

  1. Feminism is ironic.

So, you talk about equal rights and we all know when you seek rights, you have to perform and deliver. But when it comes to delivering, you get away with ‘Mein kesay ker sakti hun ye; mein tou larki hun’. Irony, no? I work at multinational telecommunication company these days and I came across a young girl, about my age group. She supported the idea of women rights-equality a bit too much. One day she was asked to fix some cables and wires, (that is the job description, because telecommunication?) She got furious and said “I cannot do this, larkon ka kam hota hai ye tou” and that rendered me confused as to why is she conceding her own ideology. According to these people there is nothing that a woman cannot do. So….(?)

  1. Feminism is a fraud.

Yes, you heard me right. Feminism is a blemished concept and thus is a fraud. By definition, feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights and egalitarianism on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men. I totally get it and I too want equality among all the sexes; but the most tragic thing about this whole movement is that people advocating this idea themselves do not even know what they are fighting for. Do they want equality amongst sexes or do they want women superiority. 

  1. Feminism is overrated.

So feminism is a movement for women social, economic and political equality to that of men. It is taken up as a social issue rather than a political or economic issues, on a greater level. But have you ever realized standing in a queue, women are exempted from waiting and standing for that long so that they can get their stuff done easily. Also, statics tell us that if a man commits a crime he is sentenced to life imprisonment where as if the same crime or even more severe one is committed by a woman, she gets a lighter penalty. What do you pro feminism advocates have to say about that?

  1. Feminism instigates hate.

Feminism does not tell women to be rude or wild. It should not propagate hate against men in women. Sadly, situation is otherwise. Feminist and pro feminism advocates have developed so much hatred for men that they have started becoming lesbians (or homosexuals). And this is vexatious. Your sexuality is what you think it is and is definitely ones choice but justifying it in the name of feminism is unfair. It is nauseating to know ladies whining on the fact that they cannot cook for their families, do their laundries and other daily chores of life because they are not their slaves. If you think caring is slavery, then fuck feminism.

  1. Feminism is nasty.

Another tragedy about feminism is that it is nasty. For example, I’ve had an experience to witness an insistence where there was a couple walking up in a public park. Probably they ran in an argument and the man started shouting at the woman and in the blink of an eye, dozens of people gathered around and started beating the man. Whereas, before this very moment, that same very woman pushed the man and slapped him on the face but to my surprise, no one came to rescue the man. In fact, no one even bothered to stop and look what was happening. If the public had not come for woman’s protection, there would have been a law suit filed against all of them the next day and a whole bunch of NGO’s and several feminism activists would have been protesting against this incident naming it domestic violence and obviously who would want such hotshot of a trouble? And they surely did not have much time and energy to poke their noses in man’s business because obviously that man was a man enough to deal with his shit. Hence, feminism gives an opportunity to play nasty and lets you get away with it.

  1. Feminism is another form of racism.

Advocates of this movement take being rude as a given. They intentionally or unintentionally develop the narcissist themselves in them. And that’s exactly what they were against off, initially.  They do not even realize that they are surpassing their own demand and are conceding their own idea. They want unisex culture and no differences or sense of superiority amongst sexes but what they actually desire for is women superiority and thus they contradict their own philosophy of equality amongst sexes.

Therefore, it is rather sane to support a certain idea after knowing what are you thriving for and not just because doing so makes you look cool or just because your favorite celebrity does so. Everything has two side like a coin. If this concept has some pros, it does have some corns at the same time just like anything else. You as its advocates need to realize what you are up for. Statistics tells us that after the modern feminism wave, the ratio of abortion and divorces worldwide have touched new heights so stop misusing this concept. Also, we must try to understand that the execution of the idea is flawed so instead of propagating hate amongst other sexes, we should fight for the correct execution of equality between sexes. Moreover, if you are an advocate of equality amongst sexes, support equality amongst humans. Humanity is above all and it should be that way. Do not talk about feminism or meninism, talk about humanity because it covers masses. Every being on this planet earth deserves equality. Stop talking about races, sexes, minorities and majorities that divide people into segregation and stops them to love other species.

The awkward question.

I dont know how to put this together but,i came across something that boggled my mind, like crazy.

So it is something like this:

A dark man found an oxygenised gold lamp that he later discovered to be a magic lamp and it turns tears into gleaming pearls. If he’d weep in the cup, the cup would transform the tears into wealth. The man was poor yet happy and he never had any reason to shed tears upon. So he started finding reasons to cry and shed tears upon, so that his tears could make him rich. As his tears -pearls up, so did his greed grow…



-With the knife in my hands, covered with immense thick red blood;sitting on top of a mountains of pearls, i was there crying helplessly into the cup and my wife’s lifless body wrapped in my arms.
Yeah. I was very rich. Very much.yes.-

A dull person, who never went to school niether was litrate much, who did not have any exoposure,asked me:

“Why did the man even killed his wife? Infact why did he ever have to feel sad to shed tears? Couldnt he have just smelled an onion?”

How can someone crtisize like this? How couldnot one understand irony?
But, it somehow made sense!

One hundered and sixty seven.

In an effort to get people to look into each others eyes more, 

And also, to appease the mutes, the government has decided to allot each person exactly one hundred and sixty seven words per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my war without saying hello. In the restaurant, I point at the chicken noodle soup. 

I am adjusting well to the new way. 

 

Late at night, I call my long distance lover proudly and say that I’ve used only fifty nine today. I’ve saved the rest for you. 

When he doesn’t respond, I know he’s used up all of his words. So I slowly whisper I lOVE YOU. Thirty two and a third times. 

After that we just sit on the line and listen each others breathe.  

Leftovers.

It was definitely high time to sought my things out, as I was given an ultimatum to evacuate the apartment I was living in. I knew this would happen sooner or later since I had resigned from my work. The firm had provided me with the accommodation. They were asking me to go beyond the line of limits, that I had made for myself. So, there you go! I bayed a bye-bye to them.Karma is a Bitch, so were they. Packing my things up efficiently was the last thing on Earth I would like to do. I geared myself up and started working on it. I was almost done with everything, that I thought was necessary to take along with me to my new living place. Just about time when I was locking the apartment safely, I heard a cracking sound down the basement. I didn’t know what was actually lying in there. It was quite a long time, I visited it. To my dimmest memory, there was sheer trash in there and things that I don’t really like or things I don’t use or I don’t need. A part of me was suggesting to go down and check if I was missing out on something, just in case.

The basement was lurid and murky, overcast by heaps of layers of dust everywhere.Illuminating it to such an extent that I may see the objects and not get myself hurt by thrashing and bumping in them. I saw a very large object, almost my height covered with a big long white cloth. Basement really contained the trash. It had tools used for gardening, those stuff which aid you to fix household things, rotten staircase, worn chairs and tables. But that area where the large mysterious object was lying and consuming dust and mud, caught my eye. I carefully unleash the cloth and to my astonishment I see a large untouched Canvas.A canvas of about 60/60 ft. It was a mixture of emotions to see the love of my life after so long. I was grieved to see it so frivolous and flimsy. I had myself seize the supply of heartiness in my life which this canvas provided. I had sabotaged its importance and worth. It stood there like it has no issues and complains and was lingering for me to come and embrace it, again. The corner nearby the canvas had some of my paintings and tools for painting. Also, some of my mater piece sketches were drowned in dismay and were decayed. Well, luckily, not to a greater disappointing extent. The feeling of the texture of the drawing sheets and their aroma was explicit. The sight of my paintings threw me down the memory lane. Oh Lord! I was so nostalgic and taken aback by so much emotions. 

I was saddened and aggressive on my routine and hectic lifestyle as to why I have been neglecting my pretty canvas and the passion I had for art. I didn’t have time for drawing or painting because I was so busy in making money and earning a healthy livelihood. #couldn’tbreakthesterotypes #anartistisafailure. #youcannotmakemoneyoutofsketches. Oh wow!Fantastic. Pretty much justified logic. I quickly grabbed everything and headed towards the exiting alley. I stopped and thought that will I be able to take time out for my canvas? Will the canvas be an unattended object somewhere consuming dust in my new house, all over again? But that was mere an afterthought. Took it to my new house, and placed it in a room where I could go and meditate while drawing. Not to forget, art gave me peace from inside. 

I knew I had many other “leftovers” in my life that seek my attention. May it be the red mailbox or the closet full of untouched clothes or shoes or the drafts label of my blog or my email. 

Oh God! Give me strength to discover the other ‘leftovers’ sooner. 

*** What a content and satisfaction it is to work on something you really love***